It is half past midnight on November 16th, 2011. I am watching the NFL Network. The Broncos just beat the Jets, 17-13.
Right now, Deion Sander's is trying to talk up Tim Tebow as Cinderalla. Literally, he is saying that no one ever wants to see Tebow lose, and he hopes in his heart of hearts that Tebow continues to win forever. While I am enjoying his gushy Tebow fanaticism, I am equally annoyed by it since he has been one of Tebow’s critics; but this is one of the many problems I will simply have to deal with as Tebow makes a bid for a Pro-Bowl selection this year.
The rest of the usually apathetic NFL analysts, suddenly lost for words, have decided to turn their post game analysis into a religious filibuster. The Conventional Wisdom Crew is clearly struggling to explain why they have been dead wrong for three straight weeks about Tebow and Denver’s option offense. After lots of muttering and headshaking, the crew was forced to sit idly for fifteen minutes before Tebow showed up for a post-game interview, because he was busy praying or signing fan's jerseys or whatever. Then, when Tebow showed up they did little but mutter half-finished softball questions and invite him to plug his charities.
If I thought a player really was awful, I would tell him to his face. I wouldn’t pay him lip service and let him plug his charity; yes, I agree, what a moron to build a hospital! But then again, I am the thoughtful type that considers my stance on a player or team before I go bashing them, so it is unusual that I find myself in such a predicament. In such a rare occasion, I have still always managed to avoid turning my opinion into an uncoordinated set of random statements and overused clichés, and that’s because I do my homework, carefully consider my stance and happen to own a spinal column. I don’t spout prototypical random mush and change opinions on a whim because someone managed to beat the Browns. And since I am usually CORRECT about my predictions, I get to both look good and sound good all the time, and I never have to pull punches.
For example. “Ahem, Chad OchoCinco, you are old and you don't try – you should have never left Cincy. Oh that's right, they traded you because you never really cared and completely stopped caring two years ago. Brian Cushing, you can never play outside linebacker in the NFL without steroids, and in fact I am surprised you have held up so well inside… the tackles must be getting better. TJ Houshblahblah, you are very lucky that Palmer got traded because he is the only one who thinks you should be on a football field anywhere. Carson Palmer, I am still not sold that you have the same arm after your selfish decision to avoid tommy-john surgery a couple years ago so that you could continue to collect a fat game check.
But back to the point, the post game show was both funny and tragic tonight, like whenever you see someone fly off a motorcycle and break every bone in their body…sure it makes you laugh at first but the biker's mangled remains that the camera focuses on in the last few seconds of the video always curtails the videos overall replay value. I noticed an odd interruption of the post game presser by the NFL Network, which was done to remind viewers that there would be much more Tebow talk later on, in case viewers were getting frustrated by the remarkably bad post game analysis. But I don’t blame them, and you shouldn’t either. They expected the Jets to win and had “prepared” for a post game presser under that very assumption. Only a fool would expect them to consider both outcomes and consider what they should do if given the opportunity to interview the NFL’s most popular player that is currently turning the league on its head.
But what I resented most about the post game blah blah is the lack of credit given to the entire Broncos organization for engineering a win over the formerly formidable Jets. The Jet’s are no doormat team and their defense is still ranked in the top ten, featuring a shutdown secondary with more big names than a congressional black tie dinner. And while it does appear is if they are on a slump and Sanchez looks like a bust, I would like to remind everyone that the Jet’s are coached by everyone’s favorite obese loudmouth Rex Ryan, who “wrote the book” on stopping the option offense. He wrote a “being a football coach for dummys” book in ’91 and it probably hasn’t been in print since its first edition, but since it hadn’t deterred the media from constantly shoving this fact in my face I will happily reiterate it here.
In conclusion, Tebow has won, will continue to win and annoy everyone not wearing a Broncos jersey or a scapula in the process. Unfortuantely, I have some awful news for the Tebow critics; Tebow is the quarterback that Denver has been dying for and in short order has managed to ingratiate himself into Denver’s sport culture. So you can expect Tebow to be a major topic of discussion going forward REGARDLESS OF ANYTHING HE EVER DOES AGAIN! He can lose the rest of the year horribly, but there will still be fans insistent that he is the best thing since internet nudity.
However, for the doubters there may be another explanation they could hand their hat on. While one possibility is that Tebow is actually a good football player that can win playing the quarterback position, the other you may want to investigate is that he's the second coming of Jesus. Both make about as much sense, so the truth probably falls somewhere in between.
By the way, Michael Irvin is clearly on cocaine. The NFL analysts work from morning until midnight doing interviews, sideline pressers, and tv spots. There is not a human being on the planet that can maintain a level of intensity on par with an Oprah show attendee for 16 straight hours. He is yelling like a madman at nearly 1 am, and everyone is looking at him as if he on the verge of cracking up. I really hope they keep him around; he is one of the few analysts actually worth watching.
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